The Demented Peace Treaty
by Hieirulesall
Summary: When several officers of the Three Kingdoms meet, things are already bound to be strange. But exactly how strange? After all, awkward silence can only last so long… Oneshot.


Summery: When several officers of the Three Kingdoms meet, things are already bound to be strange. But exactly how strange? After all, awkward silence can only last so long…

This is something I did on a random inclination. It's probably going to be a one-shot, but I may change my mind if anyone wants me to write any more of it, or if I just feel like wrting more. So...uh...yeah, enjoy!

The Demented Peace Treaty

The large chamber was silent as everyone sat around, not really knowing what to do. Of the decent amount of officers in the room, several of them were glaring about angrily, whether at anyone specific or just at the whole room in general.

"I can't believe we have to do this!" Gan Ning exclaimed all-of-a-sudden.

"I know!" Ling Tong agreed. He and Gan Ning were sitting in chairs side-by-side towards the back wall with all of the other Wu officers who had to be there.

Everyone stared at them, from their seats at tables or the couches in the large entertainment hall. It was in a building only barely too small to be called a castle or a palace. This too-small-to-be-called-a-castle building was located in a city on the edge of the Shu territory. There had been much argument about the location of this 'meeting' but the final decision had had it there because it was the closest to being right in the middle of all three kingdoms.

"What?" Zhao Yun asked in confusion from where he was sitting, seeing as no one else was about to.

"They're mad because Lord Sun Jian made us come," Lu Xun explained.

"I can't believe Sun Ce got out of it!" Gan Ning shouted.

"They all got out of it," Zhou Yu growled in annoyance. "The only ones who had to come were you two, myself, and Lu Xun." This, coincidentally, made them the smallest group there.

"Why didn't any of you want to come?" Jiang Wei asked in confusion.

"Because this is lame," Ling Tong snapped at him.

"None of us wanted to come either," Zhang Liao announced, voice heavy with aggravation. "Cao Cao made us all come anyways."

"Couldn't find much support Zhou Yu?" Zhuge Liang asked him from his seat about ten feet away, this was, incidentally, far too close for Zhou Yu's peace of mind.

"I didn't want to come either," Zhou Yu told him with a glare.

"Interesting," Pang Tong murmured thoughtfully, "Your kingdom usually has the most eager officers."

"Which is why they're smart enough to know that being here is stupid," Xiahou Dun growled.

"It's not stupid!" Jiang Wei exclaimed, sounding affronted.

"We're supposed to be discussing peace between our three kingdoms," Zhao Yun announced to those who had seemed to have forgotten that matter, which was pretty much everyone.

"Peace? Hah!" Sima Yi laughed. "Why should we settle for a treaty when we can take it all for ourselves?" _And then I can take it all for me,_ he thought privately.

"You sound pretty cocky, Sima Yi, are you sure you can back that up?" Zhuge Liang asked him.

"Depends."

"Depends on what, may I ask?"

"Depends on whether or not I commit suicide from having to tolerate your presence for too long, it can't be healthy," Sima Yi told him, voice completely serious.

"Well, I'm sorry you're so jealous that you think death is the only option."

"The only good enough option is your death," Zhou Yu grumbled at him.

"Don't insult the Prime Minister!" Jiang Wei yelled at them.

"'Prime Minister!'" Lu Xun cried out in a mock-whine voice, earning several loud laughs from those in Wu and Wei, but also several glares from those in Shu.

"I think you all really should give up!" Zhang He announced, voice that could only belong to…well…him, cutting through the air. "After all, the only kingdom that has true beauty here, is Wei. Your fashion sense is completely lacking.

At this several Wei officers looked at themselves in horror that Zhang He of all people approved. Everyone else laughed.

"This isn't important," Yue Ying announced. "We are here to discuss matters of peace between our lands."

"Not if it means aligning myself with him!" "Not with his kingdom!" Both Zhou Yu and Sima Yi screamed at the same time, pointing at Zhuge Liang.

"You do realize how bad it would be if they joined forces and just took us out first, right?" Pang Tong asked his colleague warily.

"Of course," Zhuge Liang replied, fanning himself calmly.

"Alright, then you agree with me," Pang Tong said happily. "Zhou Yu, Sima Yi, and I can finish these negotiations, and you can stand back so as not to ruin it."

"What?" Zhuge Liang looked at him incredulously and sounded not just a little affronted.

Zhou Yu and Sima Yi snickered from their sides.

"This is exactly what I mean!" Gan Ning exclaimed. "We already knew the smart people would be talking this over, why do we have to be here!"

"Because Sun Jian would have grounded you if you hadn't come?" Zhang Liao asked them mockingly.

"Hey! Watch it!" Ling Tong told him warningly.

"This is not going to work if they keep arguing," Yue Ying whispered to Pang Tong, who had apparently decided to stay out of the fighting as well.

"No, but could we really have expected anything else?" Pang Tong replied, shaking his head as Jiang Wei started threatening Xiahou Dun for insulting the 'Prime Minister.'

"My husband said he would not instigate them," Yue Ying muttered with an annoyed sigh as Zhuge Liang said something obviously infuriating to Zhou Yu and Sima Yi, who were now standing up and facing off with him.

"I don't think Sima Yi is supposed to turn that color," Pang Tong said, commenting on the furious red, almost purple, look Sima Yi had about him. He chuckled a little as said strategist made a slight choking sound at something else the Sleeping Dragon had said.

"If he keeps this up, Zhou Yu will finally snap," she said with a sigh.

"He swears that Zhou Yu won't because he's so determined to beat Kongming in something involving strategy. That probably won't happen too easily though."

They were silent for a while longer.

"Ouch," Pang Tong winced at one point as he watched the chaos and pandemonium that reigned before them.

"'If Wei has Zhang Liao…!'" Gan Ning quoted at said Wei officer.

"'Wu has Gan Ning!'" Ling Tong finished for him.

"Bring it on, pirate!" Zhang Liao challenged. "First I'll cut off those annoying-as-hell bells you're so fond of!"

"No, I love them!" Gan Ning exclaimed, flicking one and causing it to jingle merrily. "You won't even touch me, let alone them! I'll be chopping off your ugly-as-hell mustache before you get near me!"

Xiahou Dun sighed from behind his friend. Even he had to admit that this was an incredibly stupid thing to be arguing about. It was just so completely pointless. What made it worse was that the two kept imitating each other's insults, making it all the worse.

((in a dark corner of the room that no-one could see))

In the corner of the room, there was a small area filled with shadows, so that no one could see what was happening. Why? Well, because if they could see they would interrupt the important discussion going on in this corner. What was being discussed you may ask? Well, heh heh, well…

"Alright, we'll switch the ownership of these lands…" Lu Xun said slowly.

"Right, and we'll give you guys this area…" Zhao Yun agreed.

"And don't forget, this territory is more beautiful than others," Zhang He reminded the two.

"Right right, but we like that city, it's great for fireworks…" Lu Xun argued.

"So, we can all meet there and celebrate whenever the opportunity strikes," Zhao Yun offered.

"That'll work."


End file.
